


Heaven Can't Wait

by DKGwrites



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Discussion of suicidal tendencies, I haven't seen crisis so I'm making this up from Tumblr gifs, I legit did not write comedy, Post Season 5, Someone made a Buffy reference, Spoilers, and this is where I went, this is kinda dark guys, this was a quick writeup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DKGwrites/pseuds/DKGwrites
Summary: It's after season 5. Everyone was dead. Everyone is alive again. Everything is better again... Everything is not better again. Using the book comes with a price.
Comments: 41
Kudos: 69





	Heaven Can't Wait

It was done. Even if it meant working with Lex, it was done. Earth-38 was restored and so was Argo, and for once, Kara didn’t have to lose anyone else. It didn’t mean it didn’t come without a price. The Paragon of Hope still remembered the time when all of her loved ones were gone, when they only existed in her memory and her mind, but that was a small price to pay to sit on the loveseat in Alex’s apartment and watch Kelly and Alex curled up together and watch some ridiculous rom-com. Kara would carry this burden 1,000 times over if it meant her people, her home, wasn’t lost again.

“They don’t remember. They don’t remember any of it,” Kate had said as she stood next to Kara and stared down to people innocently living their lives. “After all of that, after everything that happened, they don’t even appreciate what they have.”

“Maybe they do on some level.” Kara reached across and gently squeezed Kate’s shoulder, offering support in her smile. “Maybe they’ll appreciate what they have and each other a little bit more. Maybe things will get better.”

Kate rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but smile back. “You really are the Paragon of Hope. Are you worried?”

“Should I be?”

“The Monitor said there would be a price.”

Kara looked out over the city again. “He did, but maybe this is it. Maybe the cost is that we know, that we alone have to remember the loss, pain, and fear. Not knowing is a gift.”

“Maybe.” Kate pulls her cowl back on, her lips tight as she meets Kara’s gaze head-on. “If it’s not, you know how to reach me.”

“There’s no one I’d rather have by my side.”

And so it went for days and into weeks. Whether or not things had changed for the better was hard to say, but maybe they had. Maybe there were fewer horns blaring on the highway. Maybe people said ‘excuse me’ and help the doors open more often. Maybe heads were cooler and things were moving in the right direction, or maybe it was wishing thinking, but it wasn’t any worse.

Okay, it was worse. Lena had always been a target for hate and anger toward her surname, and she’d always been a touch reckless (“You can’t live in fear.”), but lately, she was slipping from reckless through careless and into damn near suicidal. In the month since the mass resurrection, two separate bombs had slipped through L-Corp security, and Lena had decided to hold weekly press conferences that were open to the public to announce all ongoing L-Corp initiatives. She’d ended the contract of her private security to boot. She’d done everything but added a ‘Shoot Me’ sign to the back of her perfectly tailored jacket suits.

The cold (icy) shoulder that had begun since Lena stole Myriad had continued, but after one particularly near miss (the bomb had knocked Lena off the roof and if Kara hadn’t been lurking nearby as Supergirl, she wouldn’t have caught the CEO before Lena became a very expensive street pizza), Kara had had enough. She took Lena back to Lena’s apartment, but this time Kara refused to be shut out. She wasn’t leaving until they talked.

At first, it looked like hell might be in danger of freezing over, but as Lena poured herself two fingers of whiskey, she took a big swallow and turned back to Kara and finally said, “I remember.”

"You remember? You remember what?”

“Everything.”

Kara swallowed hard and paled visibly. “You, you remember… I don’t…?”

“Dying, being dead.” Lena lifted a brow, and the first hint of a smile she’d shown in weeks appeared and then disappeared just as quickly. “Yes, I remember it all. I remember the years of lies from all of you, but that’s not what I meant. I remember being dead.”

“Oh, my…” Kara covered her mouth to slow the gulps of breath her convulsing lungs too quickly pulled in and out as she and took a moment to steady herself. “I’m so sorry, Lena. That must have been awful.”

"No.” Lena knocked back the rest of her drink and squeezed her eyes closed, and a tear leaked out of the corner of one eye. “It was perfect. I was happy. For the first time in so very long, I was truly happy. My mom was there, and even though I couldn’t see her or physically touch her I,” Lena tapped one finger repeatedly against the center of her chest, “felt her. I felt her love. I knew without doubt or reservation that I was unconditionally loved. I… There are no words to explain to you what that feels like. When I was wherever I was, no one wanted anything from me. There was no pain, no hatred, no last name felt like that damn boulder Sisyphus had to eternally push uphill. There was just peace.”

Slowly, realization crossed Kara’s face. “You were in heaven.”

“I don’t believe in that, not even now, but I still existed, and I was happy. So, Supergirl, the next time you see some maniac pointing a gun at my head because of something my brother did, instead of stepping in the way and sending me back to this gilded cage in the sky, maybe you could do the right thing by me just once,” she leaned closer, holding eye contact long past the point of comfort, “and let me go.”

They didn’t exchange any other words. What else was there to say? How could you save someone who didn’t want to be saved? And how much hope was there left in the Paragon of Hope when she discovered how steep the price was and who paid it?


End file.
